Wives and Sweethearts

In the movie Master and Commander, captain Jack Aubrey, played by Russell Crowe, is hosting a dinner in the great cabin of his ship. In the cabin are the ship’s officers and a few select guests, all male, ranging in age from about 14 to 70. As is the custom at these meals, after which they have consumed copious amount of food and wine, there is a series of toasts. 

Captain Jack stands up and says, "Gentlemen a toast."

The room goes quite.

"To wives and sweethearts..."

"Aye aye" the men murmur in agreement as they raise their cups.

Then, with a whimsical note in his voice he adds, "...may they never meet!"

To which all the men break out in raucous laughter.

When I was younger - much younger - before meeting my wife, I went out with a girl for about 2 years. Back then I'm afraid I was a bit of a jerk, and I didn't treat her very nice. It  wasn’t really intentional, I was just stupid. Over the years I have often felt bad about this, and thought that if I ever had the chance, I would apologize to her. Once or twice I even went so far as to make a half hearted attempt to find her, but without knowing her married name it seemed impossible.

Last year about this time I was putting the boat away for the winter. It takes a couple of days, and during my off time I was reading NT Wrights book, "The Lord and His Prayer". It was probably during the section on “thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” I realized that if I really believed all this stuff then I HAD to find her and apologize. But it wasn’t a sort of I-should-get-around-to-doing-that-some-day kind of feeling. I was driven. I haven’t felt that compelled to do something for longer than  I can remember.

Given that I have a tremendous grasp of the obvious, shortly after starting my quest it dawned on me that I was going to get myself into a lot of trouble if my wife found out. So I told her.  She was incredibly understanding and wonderfully supported me through the whole thing. 

It took about 3 weeks of obsessive searching before I found her, including contact with her brother-in-law, which I will elaborate on in a bit. We exchanged a couple of emails and even talked on the phone for a few minutes. She was very gracious and did extend forgiveness. 

Some might be wondering at this stage why I am telling this story. I mean, ultimately, it doesn't cast me in a very good light. But there are actually three reasons.

The first reason is that if you believe that being a Christian is about living out the kingdom of god, that we are all called to be imitators of Christ, that “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” is more than just a phrase you say during communion, then I tell this story to encourage you. This whole story could have gone sideways and ended very badly. I understand that, I was prepared for it, and I’m glad it didn’t. But even if it had gone sideways, it was still the right thing to do. Because ultimately I knew I had done all I could to bring reconciliation. 

The second reason is related to the first. At one point my quest lead me to her brother-in-law who, it turns out, is a minister.  I explained my situation to him, via email, as best I could without revealing too much, and appealed to his pastoral instincts to put me in touch with her. To a certain extent I understand his reasoning, but despite the fact that there were ways for me to get my message to her without knowing where she was, he refused. Using such platitudes as “leave it in gods hands” and “it probably means more to you than her” etc. So my second reason for the story is to let you know that even if you do try to do the right thing, there are those within the religious community that will oppose you. They may even be leaders in the church - people who should be leading by example. And you should be prepared for that.  

The third reason is to start a conversation. Not necessarily about my particular circumstance, but about what it means to be a Christian. I think that if we take this Christian thing seriously we need to start talking to each other, and exploring what that means. We need to talk about our successes and our failures because that’s how we really learn. I think that Christianity has gone so long, and strayed so far, from it’s original intent, that we don't know what it means anymore, and we need each other to rediscover and explore the forgotten arts of christianity - arts such as humility, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and many others. 

The Product of Empty Space

I’ve had a few different thoughts rolling around in my head recently. There’s quite a bit of empty space in there, so they can roll around a long time before ever bumping into each other.

The other day I was looking at a blog post about homeschooling. The woman who wrote the post was justifying her decision to homeschool by telling the tragic story of a 15 year old who had frozen to death in her neighborhood as a result of bullying. She was trying to point out how awful public schools were and how she didn't want to subject her kids to that.

If you've read some of my other  posts, you will know that I'm not a fan of homeschooling. There are certain things I have been opposed to as long as I can remember, and homeschooling is one of them. I also don't believe in denominationalism,  or church membership. I was driving home the other day wondering why that is. Then it struck me: all these things have to do with separation. Either separation from other believers, or from the world. It's an us versus them attitude.

It’s evil. It’s wrong. It’s a sin.

Denominationalism says my brand of belief is better than yours; my beliefs are right and yours are wrong. Church membership says my church is better than yours; it says I'm part of the club and you aren't. Some churches even go so far as to say that if you aren’t a member you can’t serve. How arrogant is that? Homeschooling says my kids are better than yours, or perhaps more accurately, your kids are worse than mine and I don't want them influencing my kids.

The way most of us Christians live ours lives is with this undercurrent of isolation and separation. Denominationalism etc is only the visible sign of a much wider attitude. We have completely misunderstood the God given mandate to be in the world but not of it.

We go to our churches which are more like country clubs than anything. Our friends (true friends) are all from the  church.  Most of our social events surround the church. We even speak our own language. If we do interact with the world it's only to prosthelytize. 

This isn't what I  see Jesus doing when he goes out of his way to interact with the world. When he eats with tax collectors and sinners. When  he says it is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick. When he goes around healing everybody, but not getting them to say the sinners prayer. He's meeting them where they are, in their hurt and brokenness. He's announcing the coming of the Kingdom. He's saying that everybody is connected, and that those who understand that will help those that don't. When he says that we are not of the world, he’s not saying that we are somehow holier than everyone else, he’s saying that we are called to a higher standard - a kingdom standard - where people go the extra mile and turn the other cheek. Not where we separate ourselves from the world so we won’t get contaminated. Jesus touched the leper and and bleeding woman - people that would have made him unclean.

All this makes me wonder about that poor kid that froze to death. Where were the Christian kids in that school. Were they carrying on with their parents attitudes of isolation and separation? Did they even know that this kid was hurting? Did they stand up for him at all? Or were they more concerned about going to heaven when they died? Then I wonder how homeschooling helped this kid. What good did isolating this woman's kids from the evils of public school do for the kid who died? 

Nothing. 

Perhaps the Christian kids who were there did nothing, but if your kids aren't even there, then there isn't even the possibility of helping someone in need. 

How is that good news for anyone?

If you want to read a good article that’s the antitheses of homeschooling read this article from Christianity Today.

Predestination and Old Souls

Predestination: the idea that some people are somehow chosen to be children of God while others aren't, has been debated and argued for centuries. What if this is yet another example of something the church has profoundly misunderstood? What if people on both sides of the argument have missed the point completely?

The other night there were several people at our house. I was in the kitchen doing something and the rest were in the living room just chatting when suddenly everyone burst out in laughter. This is not an unusual
thing with this particular group, but when I came in, my wife explained to me that one of our members - who is more concerned with social justice than the rest of us - shared the fact that when she was younger, she thought that she wanted to marry a black guy to show that there was nothing wrong with that sort of thing. In and of itself there is nothing funny about this, but the reason it was so funny to everyone else is because it is totally in keeping with her personality, and that even at a very young age it was evident.

I didn't really think much about this until a couple of days later when I was trying to work through some other perplexing scenarios in the bible, and my mind wandered to predestination. Somehow my mind tied

The Complicity of the Church

You have probably heard it said that Satan's greatest trick is convincing people that he doesn't exist. But I wonder if he hasn't pulled an even faster one. One that actually gets some people into heaven, while keeping the majority out. One that has permeated the entire Church, and is so ingrained into Christianity, that very few people would even think of questioning it. Think about it: At least some people will question the existence of Satan, but very, very few Christians will question what actually drove them into heaven.

The wheels are in the box - or - Do as I say, not as I do

Did you ever have one of those moments where you think to yourself; "What was I thinking?" I usually have little moments like that, but the other day I had a bigger one.

It was pre-Christmas, and I was wandering through Costco looking for something specific (as if that justifies it). It was packed with shoppers and getting worse by the minute. Actually, to say wandering is a bit misleading, it was more like a speed walking at the olympics.

At one point I went past the section where they have all the bulky items that they don't really sell a lot of; things like mixers, filing cabinets - you know what I mean. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a smallish woman coming out of that section, struggling with a fairly large box.

She doesn't have a cart.

I assume she is heading towards the checkouts - I'm not. I remember thinking to myself; "Why doesn't she get a cart?" So I shrug my shoulders, and continue my search.

I get to the area that I think my item is going to be, but it's not. Growing more frustrated, it occurs to me that there is an area close to the checkouts where it might be, so I head that direction.

On my way to the checkouts I come across the same woman and she is obviously still struggling. We are now side by side. I look at her. She looks at me. We smile. I see that what she is struggling with is a set of luggage in a box. Then I say to her; "You know they have wheels?" She politely laughs and says; "Yes, but they're in the box".

We part company.

I find what I am looking for eventually, and leave Costco. It's not until I'm half way home that I realize what an idiot I am. I spout all this nonsense on this blog, and to anyone who will listen, that we need to reflect the image of Christ. That we are in this world to make a difference. Blah, blah, blah. But when I have an opportunity to live that - and do one small act of kindness - not only do I not do it, but I mock the person instead! I could have easily helped her; I didn't even have to go out of my way!

Ok, so, read previous post. God doesn't care about who I was, only who I am. I think I'll get into the lotus position and chant that mantra for a couple of hours. Maybe it'll make a difference.

How about you? Ever had one of those brain farts where you actions just don't fit your beliefs?